When I was in the fifth grade, I went to Bluewater Elementary School in Niceville, Florida. We had a brand new music teacher by the name of Mrs. Parker. She was on a mission to put on the biggest musical Bluewater Elementary had ever seen. The musical Mrs. Parker chose for that year was The Music Man Jr.
Growing up, I had an affinity for music and the arts but I seldom showed that side of me, especially around my friends. In past school plays, I was always on the backstage crew. I was comfortable in that role because I was afraid of how I would look on stage or what my friends would say if I actually tried to do something that was non-sports related. But deep down, I really wanted to be one of the performers on stage.
This time around though, something was different. I was not going to let my classmate’s opinions sway me. I decided that I not only wanted to be in this performance, I wanted to audition for the lead part of Harold Hill. So as soon as I could, I gathered the audition materials and began practicing the 183 lines the part required.
On the day of the audition, I was really scared about how everything would unfold. I had never done anything like this before. The format for the audition was easy enough – one person would go to the front and read lines and sing songs while everyone else waiting in the room would watch and listen.
A friend of mine, who I will call Sean Applegate for purposes of this article, was first. We were both auditioning for the same part. When he stood up on stage and began to sing, he was amazing. His voice was pure, his body language was confident and the look in his eye told the story. He knew he would get this part. I immediately sank in my chair, shoulders slumped and felt a bit defeated.There was no way I could outperform him.
Then Mrs. Parker called my name. My heart was racing. I went up on stage and put my lines on the stand in front of me. it was time. The background music started to play, but as I opened my mouth to start singing, nothing came out. Mrs. Parker cut the music and allowed me to begin again.
The second time opened my mouth nothing came out again. Now I was really embarrassed. Mrs. Parker looked me straight in the eyes and said, “take a deep breath, you are going to do great.” That was exactly what I needed to hear.
The background music began to play again and this time when I opened my mouth, I began to sing.
You might expect me to say that the sound was as beautiful as a young Robert Preston (who was the actor that played the original Harold Hill). However, I felt like I had a horrendous voice that would make a cat squeal. There was not much of a reaction from the crowd. I felt that I was out of rhythm, off the beat, out of sync, and I could not seem to do anything right.
After the audition, I slowly meandered to my mom’s car and began to cry. I was sure that I had not won the part. In that moment, I felt like a complete failure. Putting myself out there to try something new in front of my peers was a hard decision to make and I felt I had come up short. My mom gave me sound advice and that was that I needed to wait and see what happened before expecting the worst.
The next day, I walked into school and headed toward Mrs. Parker’s classroom to see if my name had made the final character list. As I slowly moved toward the door to her classroom, I could feel my heart beating out my chest. It was the most nervous I had ever been. There was a crowd around the door checking to see who made what part which meant I had to wait my turn. Once the path cleared, I peaked at the door and looked at the top of the page to see whose name was next to the lead part of Harold Hill.
It read: “Harold Hill – Kyle Koszuta.” I couldn’t believe it! How was that possible? My audition was awful. Or so I thought. The joy I felt in that moment could have stretched around the world. I instantly called my mom! She was thrilled and so excited for me.
The next time I saw Mrs. Parker, she let me know that she thought I was great. She thought I looked and sounded the part and would have the work ethic to make it a great role that would enhance the show. I went on to play the part of Harold HIll and it was an incredible experience for a young 5th grade boy who had only done sports up until that point.
As legendary Improviser David Razowski says, we must “feel the feelings you are feeling in the moment you feel those feelings.” (Think about that for a moment..sheesh..deep) I went through a roller coaster of emotion during this audition period. I felt pain, embarrassment, joy, fear, but at the end, the thing I wanted actually came to fruition and that felt amazing.
I still have these feelings at different times in my life, but I don’t want to lower my expectations so I never feel pain or even joy. I think it is healthy and human to have all these emotions. And the sooner we begin to embrace these feelings, the sooner we realize they are all a part of the human experience and they help to develop us as people.
One other thing I will leave you with. Do the things that make you uncomfortable. Do the things that will expand your mind and push you beyond your comfort zone, because once we get outside our comfort zone, that is where growth lives.
p.s. I know what you are thinking… did we kiss? Well if you count a stage kiss that did not look real by any stretch of the imagination, then yes I kissed a girl for the first time immediately following the moment in this picture above.