With crumpled paper in hand, we shot fadeaways into the trashcan, yelling, “Kobe.” Everyone did it. We still do. Kobe was a legend. A man who needed no introduction. Someone whose first name alone was enough. An icon whose impact ran deep and reach stretched far.

Everyone in the basketball world and beyond has a Kobe story.

5x NBA Champion. 2x Finals MVP. NBA MVP. 17x All-Star. 1997 slam dunk champion. 81 points in a single game. 12x All-Defensive team selection. 2x Finals MVP. 2 Olympic Gold Medals. 1 Oscar. Proud Girl Dad. 

He promoted the women’s game with vigor. He started companies with creativity. He became a storyteller with passion. He mentored NBA players on the rise. He was a father to Natalia, Gianna, Bianka, and Capri, and a husband to Vanessa.

He studied the game relentlessly, sliced up defenses with his athleticism, and pushed the limits on what was possible. His mind for the game was different, always one step ahead of the competition. He played chess while others played checkers. Not everyone liked him, but everyone respected him.

While Kobe’s well known for his basketball prowess, it was a delight watching him be a father. He seemed to get more joy from coaching his daughters than he used to when playing the game himself.

I’m shocked & saddened by this news. It doesn’t feel real. Kobe seemed invincible. Someone who would live another 50 years promoting the game, inspiring others, and helping the next generation of basketball players reach their full potential. Jan. 26, 2020 will never be forgotten. Kobe Bryant will never be forgotten.

#RIPKobe&Gigi #MambaMentality #RIPAll9Victims

Five months ago, I was traveling from Orlando to Los Angeles to lead a basketball camp. Thankfully, my itinerary included a short layover because my legs needed a break from the cramped, close quarters of my middle seat experience. The thought of having to squeeze my tall frame into that small middle seat space on my next flight made me cringe. It also made me irritated and frustrated to be on long flights, week after week, with minimal legroom and maximum discomfort.

I decided, on that day, that I would find a way to sit in the exit row…without paying extra.

From June 2019 through December 2019, I flew on 46 flights and, believe it or not, I sat in the exit row on more than 65% of them. I did it without having to pay anything extra. I took to Instagram story and Twitter to post my success, which I eventually called #ExitRowTheory. 

#ExitRowTheory garnered some attention and many people asked how I did it. I can explain it in one concise sentence.  I asked for it. 

 I use a five-step process to get the job done. Here it is:

1. Sit and Wait – sit at the gate, wait, and be the last person on the plane. The tradeoff is you sometimes lose out on overhead bin space near your seat, but for me, this doesn’t matter.  
2. Observe the Gate Agent – I pay particular attention to the body language of the agent. Are they frustrated? Happy? Agitated? Friendly? Paying attention helps inform your approach to the conversation (which is detailed in step 4).
3. Build Rapport – by being the last one in line, you’ll have an opportunity to lighten the mood and quickly build rapport with the gate agent. All of this happens before asking the critical question.
4. The Exit Row Ask – once you are on friendly terms with the agent, use an open-ended phrase. I say, “by the way, how many exit row seats are still available on board today?” While subtle, this technique works like a charm. I stay away from yes and no questions like, “do you have any exit row seats available on today’s flight?” The first question assumes availability and negates any instant rejection of the request.
5. Sit Exit Row and Enjoy – Gate agents want passengers to get on board in a timely fashion so that the flight can leave as scheduled. At this late stage, the gate agent wants you onboard and can offer the seat you asked for. Now you can enjoy the luxury of extending your legs and avoiding knee pain, all for no extra charge.

In my experience, only two gate agents immediately said: “no, you’d have to pay for that.” Over 95% of the time, they quickly glance at the seat map on the computer to check. If the flight is full, of course, you are out of luck, but I didn’t experience many full flights. 

It’s a little scary at first, but worth the five seconds of courage to ask for more legroom, especially when you are on long cross country flights. 

The next time you fly, try it out and let me know how it goes using the hashtag #ExitRowTheory.

Book Summary in Three Sentences 

Our mindset drives and shapes everything that we do – how we engage with others and how we behave in every moment and situation. It refers to the way people see and regard the world – how they see others, circumstances, challenges, opportunities, and obligations. Someone with an inward mindset behaves in ways that are calculated to benefit themselves, while an outward mindset person is able to consider, behave, and see beyond themselves and further the collective result of the group.

The Outward Mindset Summary 

This summary will include what I found to be the key takeaways from the book. I will include quotes and passages from the book as well as my own thoughts. This is meant to be an informal summary!

• Leaders who succeed are those who are humble enough to see beyond themselves and perceive the true capacities and capabilities of their people. They don’t pretend to have all the answers. Rather, they create an environment that encourages their people to take on the primary responsibility for finding answers to the challenges they face.
• When people are free to execute what they see, rather than simply enact the instructions of the leader, they can change course in the moment to respond to ever changing, situation-specific needs.
• While behaviors drive results, behaviors themselves are informed and shaped by one’s’ mindset.
• If you only focus on behavior, you will most likely fail, instead however put focus into behavior and mindset.

• • Lead with mindset. Often times, people want to lead with behavior change which will fail.
  • When people break free from self concern, the team members are able to consider options that had not occurred to them when their mindsets were inward. When people focus together on the collective result, their mindsets turned outward.What keeps people from an outward mindset is themselves. We get in our own way.

• See beyond yourself and think beyond narrow self-interest.
• We are so convinced that how we think and feel about other people is caused by them, by what they have or haven’t done, by how inconsiderate they have been to us or how judgemental, and so on.
• Pay close attention to the needs, objectives, and challenges of those you work with.
• Here is a short story about a father who thought he had an outward mindset, but really did not.
  • Joe was tucking his daughters into bed one evening. After tucking in four-year-old Sarah, he turned to tuck in six-year-old Anna. Anne was in a fetal position, facing away from Joe and toward the wall. Joe leaned over her head to tuck in her covers. He finished and was about to turn and leave to go help his son Jacob with his homework when he heard Anna whisper something. He couldn’t tell what she said, but she had definitely whispered something.

“What was that, Anna?” Joe asked. He bent over to listen.

“You don’t love me like you love Jacob.” Anna said , her voice barely audible.

Joe was momentarily stunned by the comment. He instantly could tell that Anna was really hurting. “Sure I do,” he assured her.

“No you don’t,” she said insistently, Joe paused for a moment.

“Why do you say that?” he finally asked.

Anna still had not moved. “You don’t play with me like you play with Jacob.”

“Sure I do,” Joe defended himself. Every night after I get home from work, we all go out back and play basketball together.”

“I don’t like basketball,” Anna whispered.

That hit Joe hard and made him wonder what kind of father he was for not even knowing his daughter did not like basketball. Joe realized he was doing what he wanted to do with his kids. He was not paying attention to what they wanted to do. He was an outwardly nice,  fun loving but inward mindset father.

• Inward – mindset people and organizations do things. Outward – mindset people and organizations help others be able to do things.
• S.A.M – engaging in these three steps is a practical approach to implementing and sustaining an outward mindset way of working.
  • See the needs, objectives, and challenges of others
  • Adjust your efforts to be more helpful to others
  • Measure and hold yourself accountable for the impact of your work on others
• With an outward mindset, leaders position people to be fully responsible both to execute and to plan their work.
• Challenge yourself to not make assumptions about people’s abilities to do certain work without giving appropriate opportunities. It is easy to write someone off quickly. People often times will rise to the challenge you give them if you give them the opportunity. 
• If you lead a group of people, ask yourself these two questions:
  • What is it like to be an employee here?
  • What is it like to be led by me?
• When leaders begin to not take themselves too seriously and begin collapsing the distinctions between themselves and others, they are positioned to begin scaling mindset change.

Are you on your computer right now? Are you texting a message?  If so, look at the keyboard you are using to type. Have you ever thought about why the characters are arranged the way they are? I mean real intentional thought. It isn’t exciting but it IS interesting.

Check this out. Did you know that you can spell out the word, “typewriter” just by using the top row of letters? How cool is that? What about the fact that the “m” and “n” are always next to each other? Or how the “r” is six spots away from the “p.” (I bet you just counted!)

Interested? I am because I am very intrigued by the computer keyboard. There are multiple theories describing why the keyboard is not arranged alphabetically and rather in what is known as the “QWERTY” keyboard arrangement. (look at your keyboard and you might see why it is called that.)

In 1868, the first keyboard was patented with an alphabetical arrangement, like piano keys.  However, theory has it that the keys would jam frequently because commonly used letters were too close together. By spreading the keys out in a random arrangement, this would slow down typers, spread out keys, and help to avoid mechanical problems. There’s another theory that tracks the evolution of the keyboard back to Morse code, arguing that early typewriters were used by telegraph operators who found the alphabetical arrangement confusing for transcribing messages.

Either way, I see a bigger question at play. At a time when the market is constantly shifting and companies are continuously looking for ways to reinvent themselves and be innovative, why is it that the arrangement of the keyboard has not changed for over 120 years?

There must be a more effective and efficient way to have the keyboard layout, right? The world moved from typewriters with limited capabilities to high-powered laptop devices with the ability to get information at the click of a button. But the keyboard didn’t change one bit.

I don’t have an answer for you, however I do have one question for you to think about:

How do we know when creating a new way of doing something is the right move versus keeping something the same because it has a known success?